Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
