Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
