We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
