he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
