wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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