yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
