he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
