STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
