He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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