I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
