he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
