you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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