Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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