im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
