Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
