Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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