I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize