She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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