You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
