Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
