rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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