just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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