I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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