You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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