If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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