i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Quick, to the slutcave!
worst night to have a conscience
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
