I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
