my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
