He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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