yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
