The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
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woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
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I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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