you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Why are your pants in the freezer?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
