I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
