okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
