so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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