just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
