so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
