Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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