i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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