I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
