If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
