last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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