i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
