And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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