Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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