Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
