don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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