just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
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My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
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I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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