I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
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