She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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