he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
