I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
