i think my mom watched the whole time
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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