If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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