How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he shaved USA in his pubs
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
