The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize