i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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