so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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