I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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