I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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