Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
