you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I don't deserve a penis
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
