Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
