Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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