How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
