Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
