wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
