I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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