It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
