just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
