Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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