its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
