she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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