i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
