your thong is hanging out like whoa
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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